The past two months have been hard. I feel drained and tired. Overextended, but unproductive. I am so inspired by the people around me, my students, my colleagues, my PLN. I read, research and seek out new ideas and innovative things to bring to the library. I throw myself into designing presentations to share with other librarians and educators. I read as many books as I can. But I still feel like I can’t keep up and I’m tired.
I have the best intentions of making the library program at CCHS one that empowers students and staff – one that can change lives, but as hard as I try, I feel stuck, like I can’t make progress.
When I reflect, I am so proud of the things I’m doing outside of the building. However, when I look at what I’m doing within the school walls, I feel I could be doing more, because other librarians are doing so much.
This is the danger of our comparison culture. A PLN is so precious, but when we’re feeling less than enough, we can see these inspirational people as competition that we are losing against.
I’ve been working very hard to remember that my principal hired me because she believes that I am good at what I do – that my school needed me. I remind myself that the relationships I’ve built with my students, the ones that I nurture daily, are powerful and more than enough to guide me off of the plateau when I feel like I’m settling there. And I’m working to maintain the energy and excitement that makes me so happy to be a librarian.
If you, like me, have these feelings and make these unfair comparisons, remember, you are enough and you always have been.